Approved by: No One
This is going to be a quick and dirty blog. No editing, no filtering, just raw, straight out of my head writing (Mel’s going to kill me).
For those who didn’t catch the post a few days back, I’m in Seattle and will be appearing in a live webcast for the next three days. Frankly, I’m nervous. Really nervous. But more on that in a bit. First let’s do the CreativeLIVE rundown.
I talked a lot about Zack in my last post (the instructor for the weekend) and in this one I’d like to introduce you to CreativeLIVE, our hosts. CreativeLIVE is built on the pay-it-forward principle. The idea is that those that really need education usually can’t afford it and that information should not be held hostage. They broadcast, for free, over the web, a weekend seminar that would run most people into the thousands to attend in person. In this model all you have to do is set aside the time to dedicate to the broadcast and you can see it all for F-R-E-E.
If you miss something, or wish to have the information to go back over at a later date, (and trust me, you’ll want to, they go over a LOT) you can order the entire three days for something like $99 if you purchase it before the live broadcast concludes. Pretty sweet deal, huh?
What about after the broadcast? Do they jack the price way up? Yeah, by $50. (I know, that’s not really jacking it up at all is it?) Mel and I have purchased three courses, Zack’s first CreativeLIVE appearance, Tamara Lackey’s, and Bambi Cantrell’s even though we sat through all of the live feed. There’s just so much information that you can’t possibly remember it all. So do yourself a favor and purchase it now while it’s even cheaper.
We go live at 10 a.m. west coast time. Check it out.
It’s late and I really need to get to bed and rest up for tomorrow, but I’m also a little restless. You see, this entire trip, from start to finish, is a huge step for me. If Dr. Phil were here he’d be patting me on the back. (This is where you can tune out if you get bored with wishy washy emotion type things, cause from here on out it’s coming straight from the heart).
For those few kind souls that used to read my blog about writing, you know that I’ve long battled my own self destruction. You see, I have a real fear of success.
Sounds stupid, right? Who fears succeeding? Well, if you look into it at all, a lot of people do. You might even be one of them. Every time you don’t try, you’re letting your fear of success win. Personally, I’ve conquered a lot of fears to be where I am right now, both in my development as a photographer and artist, and even in forcing myself to come to Seattle. The old me would have never made the video, never entered a contest at all. Why? Because not trying might mean you won’t succeed, but it also means you won’t fail. You can live your entire life talking about, “If only.” “If only I would have tried I would have succeeded.” You know you know someone like that. Always talking about what could have been. And you know what? No one can deny that you could have succeeded because it will forever be an unknown.
That’s exactly who I’ve been most of my life. Mr. Coulda-been.
I play it safe and frankly, this trip is not safe. This is so far outside my comfort zone, you have no idea. I’m the kind of guy that comes off as smug because I keep my mouth shut, but in reality I’m just terrified of being found out. I, like every other artist in the world, fear that I’ll be found out as being nothing more than a hack. It’s the sick game we play with ourselves.
And that’s the little hobgoblin that will be sitting on my shoulder this weekend. I’ve contained him thus far and I can only hope that the courage I borrow from Mel and our son holds out.
The hobgoblin is whispering in my ear again. He says that I’ve been too honest, that it’s in my own best interest to delete everything but the CreativeLIVE bit. “It’s safe,” he says. “Just play it safe.”
Some shots from around Seattle today:
I've been captivated by Vivian Maier's work as of late. A woman with such amazing talent that no one ever knew about. I wonder what hobgoblins she wrestled with to keep such amazing work hidden. These self portraits are my digital homage to her.